Game Recap

I was in Oakland most of the day and night and only shuffled back in through my front door to watch a recording of the Islander's game at 2:30 or so.  Needless to say, I was in no condition to sit through a 2.5 hour hockey game.  But in the first three minutes I watched, they won face-offs, earned a powerplay, scored on that powerplay, and killed a penalty, so I am going to infer that the Sharks opened a Costco-sized can of whoop-ass on the Islanders and ran away with the game to a 5-0 victory, perfect on special teams.  Good job, Boys!  Keep it there!  Only one more win to make this a perfect* roadtrip!  I'm so proud.

Sharks now 5-3-1. (W-L-T*)


*Fuck the shoot out.

Texas Rangers Lose Second Consecutive World Series

Did anybody catch the game, tonight?  It was amazing!  Another brilliant display of skill and determination between two ferocious competitors.  The level of play has been so elevated in the games between these two clubs that it saddens me to even think that one of them might be moved to the Eastern Conference next year.  Yes, the Sharks and the Red Wings have become a must-watch match-up for anyone in love with the sport of ice hockey.  They have looked to each other as measuring sticks for the past several years and are coming off of the most closely competed Stanley Cup Playoff series in history.  Tonight's game did not disappoint.  Sharks won 4-2, including an empty-net goal.  I eagerly await the Red Wings' first visit to San Jose this season, November 17.

Also: Somewhere in the World, baseball was played.  And Texas was eliminated in the final round for the second year in a row!  I know this because they lost to the Giants last year.  It's too bad that they didn't lose at home again so I could watch Sad George Bush's sad reaction shots.  I guess there's always next year...

In real news: The Sharks are on a roll!  The first four games of this road trip are done and won.  The Sharks came back in the third period to tie the Devils (then win the shootout).  They earned a 2-0 lead over the defending-champion Bruins and, when it evaporated in a moment, responded with poise and a game-winning goal.  They did a similar feat against the Nashville Predators, regaining the lead only a minute after surrendering it.  Now they've defeated the Red Wings in another hard-fought, high-tempo game of the caliber we've come to expect (and demand) from this rivalry.  The second back-to-back game is on Long Island tomorrow and it's up to the Sharks to not overlook the Islanders, who have sucked for some years now.  The Sharks have a history for playing down to less successful teams even as much as they play up to perennial powerhouses like Detroit.  But I don't think they will.  I'm sure they've been looking forward to facing Evgeni Nabokov, whether he ends up playing in that game or not.

A couple things overlooked in all this:
- Martin Havlat is a fucking boss and possibly our lord savior in disguise.  This win-streak began with his first game as a Shark and he has assists in all four wins.
- The Sharks have been losing face-offs.  I seriously can't remember when the last time was the Sharks were under 50% on face-offs.  It's not something worth worrying about, as long as we're winning, but that was a real shock to me.


The Sharks are now 4-3-1. (W-L-T)

The Uncanny Valley

Have you ever wanted a robot friend?  One that could talk to you and empathize with you and give you hugs and do your work and possibly have sex with you?  How 'bout one that just chats with you on the internet about how nice bunnies are?  Well, Cleverbot.com is home to just that!  The latter, I mean.  It's the product of Man's desire to bridge "the uncanny valley," that point at which artificial humanoids become life-like enough to be creepy, before they become indistinguishable from the real thing.  Cleverbot is a robot designed to have natural-sounding, human conversations.  It mimics humans by generating responses from previous conversations it has had with other people, so it supposedly "learns" from people, like the Terminator.  It just fooled 59% of a test group into thinking it was human. (Source)

The tested version runs 42 searches of its databases before it answers.  The free, online version makes considerably less of an effort.  Here's what people are saying about it, from the Cleverbot website:

"CleverBot is freaking amazing! I believe it knows the secrets of the universe. I had an entire conversation in Japanese with CleverBot. It is awesome. Not to mention that it is a great role-player and knows all the spells used in Harry Potter. Lol. Best app ever!"    12th July 2011

"The app is amazing. And she/he (Cleverbot) is more fun to text to than my actual living friends. Haha."    25th June 2011

"Cleverbot has earned a whole new level of respect from me- mostly because she knows the lyrics to David Bowies songs."    24th June 2011

Naturally, I was intrigued.  I had to meet and interview this robot, probe its knowledge-base and find out what makes it tick.  Or at least try to chat hockey with it.

Games 2 & 3: Back-to-Backes

Last night's loss to the Blues comes after the 1-0 road loss to the Ducks.  It's no big deal.  It was the first of three instances of back-to-back games the Sharks have in three weeks.

I was at the ducks game, at least the second two periods.  Greiss looked good in that game, but the Sharks' coordination, especially on the powerplay, looked really bad.  There were many passes to no one and even more directly to or through ducks players.  Brent Burns, in particular, seemed to be struggling to coordinate with the others.  He will get it together, I have faith, but it looks like it may be a much slower process than I had anticipated.

Game 1: "We Want Tacos!"

I don't want tacos.  Fuck Jack-in-the-Box tacos!  We've all eaten them, sure, in our weaker moments, at two o'clock in the morning.  We're desperate--but that's just it!  Jack-in-the-Box tacos are sold two-for-$0.99 and are only charitably called tacos in the first place.

Meet the new Sharks food promotion: The Jack-in-the-Box Taco Minute!

If the Sharks score in the second period's final minute, fans in attendance have the opportunity to text in a code for a coupon for two free Jack-in-the-Box tacos.

Offseason Changes

The Sharks.  They've made a whole host of changes this summer.  But I refer not solely to the roster additions of Brent Burns, Martin Havlat, Colin White, or Jim Vandermeer, etc.  They've jacked up the price of season tickets by a greater margin than before.  Since the lockout, the price of as season ticket has been steadily climbing by a dollar each year.  The cheapest season ticket last year was $19 per game.  This year, it is $23 per game. $4 per game!  Snap!  The Shark Tank has also gotten a whole new set of boards, replete with clear stanchions and gaudy, electronic advertising boards, with one glaring omission:  Round Table Pizza.

Troubled Sleep

-Chapter One-

     The roar of the crowd was overwhelming.  One almost couldn't hear oneself think.  Of course, the people there weren't accustomed to thinking.  No one in Greater Los Angeles had ever before heard such a noise in the Ducks' home arena.  Most of them had never before been to the Ducks' arena before today, only the gravity of a championship event was too much to resist.  The Stanley Cup was in the building.  And it was about to be awarded.

     Amidst the hysteria, the red carpet unrolled onto the ice like the dog Pluto's cartoon tongue.  White-gloved hands carried the heretofore pristine trophy from the gaping vomitorium to where all the cheering customers could see.  It was the first and last time, most of them knew, that the Stanley Cup would be awarded to a Los Angeles team.

     Chris Pronger watched without listening as the commissioner gave his perfunctory congratulations to the home team.  The six-foot-six defenseman did not let his beady eyes leave the sparkling trophy as the Ducks' captain Scott Niedermeyer hoisted the Cup over his head to applause unprecedented within the marble walls of the Honda Center.  The captain kissed the beloved trophy as he slowly skated the ice and Pronger follwed him, impatiently waiting for his own moment of glory.  Pronger had spit out his mouth guard in the moment of victory; now his teeth ground as he watched Scott Niedermeyer pass the Cup to his brother, Rob Niedermeyer, but Pronger swallowed his words along with chips of his teeth.  Deep down, he knew that he owed the lesser Niedermeyer this moment; hockey's champion defenseman, and the Ducks' captain, had only deigned to sign a contract with this team out of pity for his younger sibling.  It seemed like ages that the Cup was in Rob's hands.  Pronger had waited long enough!  He had waited while they passed out championship baseball caps.  He had waited through the tedious presentation of the MVP award.  He continued to fight the urge to grab his trophy from the little squirt.  He had won it!  It was his!  He knew his own on-ice contributions far outweighed anyone but Scott's and that he had deserved to be second in line for his moment of supreme self-satisfaction.  It wasn't fair!!

     But presently, Pronger's eyes widened with anticipation as he saw the most beautiful trophy in all the world skating toward him, carried by Niedermeyer's brother.  He tried not to look down, fearing vertigo.  The dizziness of disbelief and his own freakish height were taking their effect on him.  His moment had finally come.  Elated, he greedily snatched the proffered trophy from Rob's ourstretched hands.

     The Cup burned his flesh as with cold fire and Pronger only gripped it tighter--tried to steady his hands as the thing which he desired most in the world was finally delivered to him.  He felt the Cup try to slip from his grasp.  The whole moment seamed unreal, like it wasn't supposed to be.  Fifteen and a half kilograms of etched silver seemed feather-weight in his hands.  With one deep breath and the most powerful scream he could muster, Chris Pronger raised hockey's greatest trophy high over his head and, as he slowly lowered it and felt the cold metal touch his chapped lips, he knew he had proven what he had suspected for a long time:

     There was no God.