tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48764686255273336002024-03-13T20:24:40.209-07:00Jaws of Fate<i>Bad Puns and Biting Commentary and the NHL's San Jose Sharks.</i>meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-47319839310892429482013-10-01T11:44:00.000-07:002014-04-11T11:50:43.840-07:00When the Shanahammer FallsNow let me tell you of a man, one Shanahan by name<br />
He metes out fines and punishments, no two judgments the same<br />
Took up a shining hammer when he answered Bettman's call<br />
Now brave men flee scared lest they be the anvil when it falls<br />
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It's a breakneck world of hitting in the good old hockey game<br />
One hundred thousand eyes on you and plays shown frame-by-frame<br />
So don't talk back and don't be smart when he got you by the balls<br />
Just close your eyes and hold your wallet tight 'til the Shanahammer falls<br />
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He'll shame you public from his throne of the D.O.P.S.<br />
But 'next suspension coming down could be any man's guess<br />
So be warned, goons and thugs from Anaheim to Montreal<br />
You best be scared, 'cause who knows where the next Shanahammer falls<br />
<br />
A man may not be looking when you stand up in his way<br />
But you can't be sure on which side Shanahan woke up today<br />
So you better speak in whispers and you tip-toe through the halls<br />
And beware the shadow of the Shanahammer if it falls<br />
<br />
So if a game is rough and neither ref is making calls<br />
And you want to smash Hank Zetterberg's damn head against a wall<br />
Go ahead and take a chance! but if you touch Jarret Stoll<br />
Well... you better not be Raffi fuckin' Torres when the Shanahammer falls<br />
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meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-40024687286149907052012-12-27T13:53:00.001-08:002012-12-27T13:53:38.229-08:00Thinking of the Fans: Shootout AlternativesPersonally, I think the NHL shootout is stupid. The shootout is necessary in tournaments that are being played on a single sheet of ice, where a winner needs to be determined but teams can't be allowed to play indefinitely because the next game needs to go on. In the NHL, there is no such need. The NHL instituted the shootout <i>because fans don't like games that end in ties</i>. This, to me, is completely fucking dumb. Fans don't like<i> losing</i> either, but that's the nature of sport. I don't see anybody trying to eliminate losses from the NHL.<br />
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Oh wait--Teams get points for losing, now. I forgot.<br />
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Okay so anyway losses are being marginalized a little bit and wins are being inflated and ties are a thing of the past. Thanks, NHL! You've made your league a happier place to be a fan. Now will you please expand the playoffs to allow 30 teams? Fans hate it when their teams miss the playoffs.<br />
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Despite the NHL's best efforts to make the fans happy by allowing more than half the league's teams to have winning records, there has been some push-back from people who don't like tie-breaking shootouts, but still don't like ties. With these idiots in mind, I write an open letter to the NHL...<br />
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Dear NHL, here are a few suggestions for tie-breakers to replace the shootout:<br />
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<b>1. Fan voting.</b> Let the fans decide the winner! Fans love voting for their favorites! They get to feel like they're participating in the game. And if you have them do it by phone, you can charge a service fee like in those talent contest shows on national TV. I know you want a piece of that action!<br />
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<b>2. 4-on-4, then 3-on-3, then 2-on-2, then 1-on-1, then goalies only.</b> This is for all the purists out there who think shootouts aren't real hockey. Skip 5-on-5 play; that's not exciting in sudden death. What we need to do is make each team play one less player every five minutes. That way, it gets more exciting all the time! And when they get to 1-on-1, we're still watching completely legitimate hockey that's every bit as real as the boring, stuffy 5-on-5 play that you forced us to sit through for the first 60 minutes! Think of all the open ice! It'll be so exciting and novel! Like the shootout!<br />
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But of course, if just the two goalies can't score on each other, it'll be time to move to option 3:<br />
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<b>3. 10-on-10, no goalies, no icing, no offsides.</b> This would be exciting. There would still be plenty of opportunities for hitting, passing, scoring, maybe a little skating. Why don't we do this all the time? More scoring! If they still can't score after five minutes of 10-on-10 play:<br />
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<b>4. Start taking away their sticks.</b> After every five-minute period of sudden death overtime of 10-on-10 hockey, make another one of the players from each team forfeit their stick. Think of the novelty! Oh man fans are gonna love this.<br />
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<b>5. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flyting" target="_blank">Flyting</a>.</b> This would be the best idea ever, if hockey players weren't dim-wits as a rule and clever as an exception. As it stands this would only be marginally more entertaining than a shoot-out. This does have the potential for some terrific highlights, though. Think of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nit2pfTKyM" target="_blank">Ryan Miller busting out an epic yo-mamma joke to win the game</a>. That's the kind of thing that would get discussed endlessly on message boards for weeks. I'm telling you this could bring your sport a whole new legion of fans previously unfamiliar with hockey. But even that can't top my final suggestion in terms of pure fan-service:<br />
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<b>6. Strip-tease.</b> After polling a bunch of folks who kind of watch hockey sometimes (your most important demographic, obviously), you have determined that people don't like tie games. That's why it's so critical that tie games be forever banished. Now that you have identified the problem, it only makes perfect sense to use the same method to find the solution. Polling has shown that fans overwhelmingly agree that they like sex. So <i>get the ice-girls out there!</i> Get some cheerleaders! Get the two oldest and two youngest players from each team on the ice to perform a strip tease! Dim the lights and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjtrUuyAFjA" target="_blank">turn up the sexy music</a>! Both teams can be credited with a win. Now everybody is happy. A sure-fire way to please! <a href="http://www.anyclip.com/movies/slap-shot/strip-tease/" target="_blank">Highlight packages</a> galore! All of which would be extremely watchable, if not mesmerizing.<br />
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You're welcome. Now get on it, NHL!<br />
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Sincerely,<br />
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meetyourmakomeetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-39194747573099473482012-12-19T19:36:00.003-08:002012-12-19T19:41:09.942-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-35870588244772775332012-10-12T10:01:00.001-07:002012-10-12T10:04:55.708-07:00Columbus Day!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">HAPPY <b>LOCKOUT </b>DAY, EVERYBODY!</span><br />
<br />meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-24698237111419701502012-09-11T01:15:00.001-07:002012-09-16T19:49:25.957-07:00Yo<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So this offseason is shit and we can't see the end of it. My sister's moving to new york and i've had a few drinks. deal with it. at a party, by the way, not like, by myself, like a loser or something. Anyway so hockey is cool. It's september 11, now, and I am seriously watching a BEST OF THOMAS GREISS video on the sharks' website right now. how sweet is that? fucking sweet. When he shut down the penguins in the shootout? that was cool. the shootout is cool, even though it's totally stupid. yeah, i said it. It's stupid. Thomas Greiss totally exceeded my expectations last season. The year we got Dany Heatley, I went to the Kings stadium and watched the Sharks Kings game. It was before the home opener. the sharks went down 4-0. my friends and i started talking shit with some kings fans and ended up buying rounds back and forth. This was before the kings were any good (like 2 years ago) and while we were out on a patio drinking crown and shitting on ducks fans (I shook a ducks fan's hand for the first time. it made my lip curl) the sharks came back to 4-3. my friend and I got back to our seats in time to see Heatley's first goal as a shark. that was cool. also those kings fans were cool. fuck the ducks. oh and I got to a railing in time to see brad staubitz pick a fight with ----- ivanans and have jody shelly step in for him to keep his face from being obliterated. jody shelley was a stand-up guy. <i>Is</i> a stand-up guy, for all I know. Anyway that was the night that thomas greiss came into the game at 4-0, had the sharks tie the game in the third period, and let a goal in from behind the goal line in the right corner. That was only the third game of the season, but I never fully trusted him again, until this past season. He wasn't flexible like Irbe. He didn't control the play like Nabby. He didn't make a solid wall like Niemi. He did win a bunch of games though. I noticed. He was good. Plus its cool that the sharks are the only team with German players. The entire starting line-up for the 2010 German Olympic team was sharks draftees and denis seidenberg. They got their asses kicked, but they were up against Sweden, Finland, and... uh...Belarus, but that was also cool, that they were a bunch of sharks draftees. Anyway,
I believe in Thomas Greiss.
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Thank you.<br />
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(not seen: thomas greiss probably makes another save, but the shootout and its coverage are fucking stupid.)(yes, the video linked to the Best of Thomas Greiss promotion does not feature his game-winning save.)meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-88624878967086289122012-04-09T12:27:00.000-07:002012-09-11T01:23:23.194-07:00Why Are People Mad at the Florida Panthers for Winning Their Division?These rules have been in place for some time, now. Every year, at least one team is elevated to a seed that is higher than their accumulated points rank in the conference (and definitely league) standings. This year, the Phoenix Coyotes and the Florida Panthers have each won their respective division for the first time. Two warm-weather teams are elevated to top-three seeds and all of a sudden this playoff-seeding format is a disgrace to the league?<br />
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Ostensibly, the argument that the come-lately detractors use is that these teams have <i>even fewer points than usual</i>, for a division-leader. Oh no! The system is broken! It's a travesty that playoffs are seeded by <i>geography</i>, rather than <i>merit</i> (as determined by points). But in all the bitching and moaning about geographical determination of seeds, how many calls have there been to move from the 8/8 Western/Eastern conference-aligned playoffs to a much more equitable 16-seed league format? Last year, Dallas would have made the playoffs in such a format, bumping an East-Coast team from the post-season, and puting all 5 Pacific Division teams in the Top 16. I didn't hear much complaining in the media about that!<br />
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All the Eastern Conference Fans That Think That the Southeast Division Is Weak, have some consideration for the fact that they are dealing with the incalculable hardship of having to leave their time-zone to play a divisional team for the first time! They even have to do it after December! It's so hard!<br />
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The schedules are made according to divisions and conferences. It makes sense that the winners of the divisions should be awarded the top three seeds because, while there are times when a division-leader may be a weak team ahead of weaker teams, sometimes a division-leader is only a step ahead of the rest of their highly competitive division; sometimes, a strong team is vaulted to the top by the rest of their weak division (VANCOUVER). It's impossible to gauge the fairness of a given team's competition. Therefore, it is fairest to judge them first among the teams who have similar schedules and competition. This is not a problem of division-leaders being the top three seeds in the Eastern Conference. This is a problem of the Penguins and Flyers being bumped down the list behind the Panthers, a team for which nobody really gives a shit.<br />
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In conclusion: Quit complaining, you lousy, coddled, whiny, East-Coast bitches!<br />
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/ravinglunaticmeetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-70306396949761952542012-04-07T18:30:00.000-07:002012-04-08T22:25:19.053-07:0081 Games LaterThis season hasn't been too up or down, really. There was a bad losing stretch on the Tennis Road Trip; there was a nice win-streak when Marty Havlat first joined the line-up. In fact, after 81 games, the Sharks have a <a href="http://jawsoffate.blogspot.com/p/regular-season-record.html" target="_blank">regular season record</a> of 33-33-15. They are dead even! This final game of the season will determine whether the Sharks end the season with a winning, losing, or even record!<br />
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I've had to remind myself the past week or so that this is how I wanted it. After watching the Sharks coasting into the playoffs with a strong team, only to have weak starts to the post-season, I welcomed the opportunity to enter the playoffs, riding a hot streak. I was going to be happy to be the underdog--to have a lesser burden of expectation. Only, I had forgotten what it looks like to be the underdog. It looks kinda like the other team is going to win. The Sharks are very likely be playing a team that they have not been able to beat this year, either the Canucks or the Blues. The Sharks, this year, are 0-3-1 against the Canucks and 0-4-0 against the Blues.<br />
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Normally, this is where it is said that regular season match-ups don't matter, once the playoffs start, but, the last two years, the Sharks have been eliminated in the Semi-Finals by teams against whom they had gone 1-3-0 and 0-3-1 (Blackhawks and Canucks, respectively, both from memory). Lop-sided regular season records such as those give me pause.<br />
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But this year, I don't care. This is what I wanted. A tight race to the finish. Something we can ride into the playoffs. I really am not concerning myself about what the records say, because they're depressing. Also, because this team is just now coming together; I can tell myself that this is not the same team that lost all those games earlier in the year. They're hitting people. They're fighting. The deadline-acquired players are looking more and more at home. Most importantly: they're winning games and, from here on out, that's pretty much all I ask of them. Go, Sharks!meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-81931084962828191462012-04-04T00:37:00.001-07:002012-04-05T19:01:39.722-07:00Holy Crap,Did anybody see that terrible dive from Joe Thornton tonight in Dallas? The Sharks scored on that power play he drew (the penalty of which, even more outrageously, was assessed to innocent by-stander Michal Ryder, rather than Sheldon Souray), so, on a night where I had plenty of gripes about calls against the Sharks, I'm reminded to count my blessings before I go to sleep.<br />
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1. I am grateful that the Referees did not call goaltender interference on Tommy Wingels for tripping Kari Lehtonen or negate Daniel Winnik's goal.<br />
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2. I'm happy that, to my knowledge, the team plane was not injured in any of the tornadoes in Dallas, today.<br />
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3. I am relieved that Joe Thornton got away with that crazy dive in the second period!<br />
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4. I'm glad we had these two consecutive games against Dallas to get back into form. Dallas always plays the Sharks physically, which brings out the best in the Sharks and also brings out a lot of penalties in the Stars! This Sharks team has completely failed to hit people on game-to-game basis, which is very frustrating to watch--extremely so when they're losing.<br />
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5. I am so fucking grateful we won!meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-52122966550942647712012-02-24T01:25:00.000-08:002012-02-24T01:50:01.729-08:00What I Would Trade for Rick Nash<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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There has recently been a Canadian metric ton of speculation regarding the trade of Rick Nash to San Jose. He is a winger making an average 7.8 million dollars a season and has a no-movement clause for the remaining 7 years of his contract. Here's what I think the Sharks should offer Columbus GM Scott Howson for Rick Nash:<br />
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<a name='more'></a><br /><br />
1. Torrey Mitchell. You're a cool dude, Torrey. I like you. Sorry.<br />
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2. 1/8 of the tea in China.<br />
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3. Torrey Mitchell and Jason Demers. Demers played great against the Kings last year in the first round and has lots of "offensive upside"!<br />
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4. Our "2008-2009 Western Conference Regular Season Champions" banner. ...But we get to keep the one from 2010. This may be your only chance to get one in Columbus!<br />
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5. Logan Couture's signed, game-worn jersey. In a really nice frame. And dinner with Douglas Murray, <a href="http://twitter.com/#%21/brodiebrazilCSN/statuses/164444136223674369" target="_blank">valued at $21,000</a>. I bet, if you asked him nicely, he'd cook you something really awesome in his sou vide machine...<br />
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6. Okay--Torrey Mitchell, Jason Demers, Tommy Wingels, a fifth-round draft pick in 2012, and <b><i>both</i></b> of our Western Conference Regular Season Champions banners.<br />
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7. You want Matt Pelech?<br />
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8. You know what, Columbus? You can fucking keep Rick Nash. His contract sucks, anyway.meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-5255572117097571072011-12-15T15:36:00.000-08:002011-12-15T15:36:23.045-08:00"He's obviously an individual whose IQ is probably the size of a birdseed."- Alain Vigneault, in reference to Dave Bolland.meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-72699394951970414892011-12-01T19:30:00.000-08:002012-02-29T01:33:36.934-08:00Montreal Canadiens @ SJ<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-8699809041851136972011-11-25T18:03:00.000-08:002011-11-30T02:15:54.445-08:00"So Long and Thanks for the Goalie!"The Blackhawks lost 1-0 to the Sharks. Antti Niemi got his first shutout of the year and earned it. And this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for Doug Wilson.<br />
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Doug Wilson, you have no idea how happy I am to know that you are in charge of making the San Jose Sharks a better team. Your class and professionalism are a tribute to the sport and the Sharks organization. I love that you don't give people ridiculous contracts, and that Heatley contract that I didn't like that featured a no-trade clause? you found a way out of it. and you got Martin Havlat! You're the greatest. Most sports fans don't know the warm, comforting feeling of having complete faith in their team's management and I feel lucky to have it. Thank you, Doug Wilson, for making this team a fun one to watch, year after year.</div>
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In other news, the NHL spent a great deal to advertise the "new tradition" that is the NHL Thanksgiving Showdown on NBC, because apparently something <i>can</i> be a tradition even if it hasn't been done twice or, at the time of advertising, once. I didn't watch the parade and thus, sadly, missed Cee Lo Green's performance on the NHL float, but I did watch the game on Friday. It was a good match-up between the Bruins and the Red Wings in Boston and yet I found it very tedious. It really made me realize how much I dislike the NBC crew. Pierre McGuire is insipid. Mike Milbury is a blowhard. Emerick and Olzyck are not very pleasant to listen to. And maybe I just don't like that they're not on any one side. It's not football. It's weird to have a nationally televised game presented as an NHL showcase, because that's not typically how we watch hockey. I'm happy to tune into another team's broadcast and check out what's happening elsewhere in the league or when I need something in the background while I'm cooking.<br />
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NBC spent a lot of time pushing the Tim Thomas/Jimmy Howard angle of this game, possibly because they're both American. At any rate, the Bruins played Tuukka Rask in net and NBC didn't seem to pick it up until half-way through the first period, so engrossed were they in their own talking points. No back-up goalie was going to stop them from talking all about Thomas and then asking about him in the behind-the-bench interview with Bruins Coach Claude Julien.</div>
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I skipped ahead and then turned it off at the end of overtime. The shoot-out would have only made the game seem even more like an exhibition.</div>meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-56303628787530849732011-11-12T14:16:00.001-08:002011-11-14T15:10:44.567-08:00A Proposed Solution to Defense in the NHL<br />
I wanted to touch on the big buzz-story around the NHL that began this past Wednesday, the night of November 9th. In a game against the Tampa Bay Lightning, the Philadelphia Flyers refused to even attempt to break out of their zone on multiple occasions because the Lightning were playing defense in what is known as a 1-3-1 formation, in which one defender pressures the puck-carrier, three defenders stand at the red line to break up long passes, and one defender stays deep in their own zone in order to be the first to the puck in the event that the offensive team dumps the puck into the zone. The Flyers, when presented with this defense, simply stayed in their own defensive zone and skated around with the puck for whole stretches of the game. I thought it was a funny little story, a quirky side-show that happened in Florida when Flyers Coach Peter Laviolette realized that he had no idea how to beat a "neutral-zone trap" defense. "No big deal," I thought, watching the highlights. "Chris Pronger is a whiny bitch whose team refused to play, thus exposing and even<i> highlighting</i> the limits of Peter Laviolette's competence. <i>And</i> they lost the game and looked like dipshits in the process, so justice is served!" What produced a stronger reaction from me and drives me to address the subject here, is that the media (and <a href="http://prohockeytalk.nbcsports.com/2011/11/11/tampa-trap-to-be-discussed-at-nhl-gms-meeting/">according to Pierre LaBrun</a>, the General Managers) are widely blaming the Tampa Bay Lightning for the lull in play! That absolutely dumbfounds me.<br />
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The whining goes like this: "Tampa Bay's defensive formation makes it hard for an opponent to get through the neutral zone and into Tampa Bay's defensive zone, which makes it extremely difficult to score. Fans like scoring. Therefore, the Tampa Bay Lightning are taking all excitement out of the game and wasting the fans' time, even while winning games."<br />
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I'm paraphrasing, but that genuinely is the sentiment. And it's absolutely bat-shit retarded. I just do not see any way for a person to blame the Lightning for the Flyers' mopery without presenting an argument that boils down, in its simplest form, to the following: Fans like offense, so it should be illegal to limit an opponent's scoring chances.<br />
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There is pressure to make the 1-3-1 defense illegal and the General Managers have already said there will be talks about it at their next meeting, in Toronto. They want a way to keep the game exciting and to spare coaches, like Laviolette, the frustration of having to figure out how to beat a given team on any given night. But I've figured out the answer! Are you ready for this? <i>Eliminate the boring, defensive part</i> and skip right to the shoot-out! That way, each team will be given the same opportunities, fans see a lot of scoring chances, and we always have a winner! You're welcome, NHL! I just saved you of a lot of relaxing brainstorming.<br />
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Until that happens, I have this to say: This so-called "message" sent by Peter Laviolette (what that message was and to whom it was directed, nobody has said) might mean something if he 1) had the balls to do it in front of his home crowd in Philadelphia (yeah, right) and 2) actually knew how to beat the trap, only refused to do it because it's so boring. But Laviolette clearly has no idea how to beat the Tampa Bay defense, so his "protest" means nothing except that the Flyers should probably look for a new coach. The Flyers' all-time record against against Guy Boucher's Tampa Bay Lightning is (don't laugh) 1-3-1.<br />
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<b>Similar sentiments:</b><br />
<a href="http://www.tampabay.com/sports/hockey/lightning/article1201506.ece">Jacques Lemaire</a><br />
<a href="http://www.nypost.com/p/sports/more_sports/nhl_union_gets_book_smart_qgUyqQpJRx5p36FawOdh7K">Larry Brooks</a><br />
<a href="http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/blog/puck_daddy/post/Trending-Topics-The-real-reason-Flyers-are-so-m?urn=nhl-wp17214">Ryan Lambert</a>meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-32188935664969469862011-11-12T11:52:00.001-08:002011-11-13T00:22:08.318-08:00Hey, Amici's! You Suck!The Sharks are now 7-5-2 (W-L-T) on the season and appear to be playing well. But I don't care to talk about that. I expect them to play well.<br />
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The Jack-in-the-Box Taco Minute has become the Jack-in-the-Box Taco Minutes! I made it clear at the beginning of the season <a href="http://jawsoffate.blogspot.com/2011/10/game-1-we-want-tacos.html">how I felt about the promotion as it was first presented</a>. Now, there is something to add: The crowd took to booing the announcement of the Taco Minute, which was announced during the last TV time-out of the second period of each game. People of the Arena, I thank you for booing this awful promotion and our voices, apparently, have been heard!<br />
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Yes, two games ago (LA @ SJ), there was no announcement of the promotion, although the Taco Minute icon still appeared on the gondola screen during the final minute of the second period. This last game vs. the Minnesota Wild, I noticed that the promotion, although unannounced, had been changed to the Jack-in-the-Box Taco Minute<b>s</b>, plural. Now, the promotion is for the final <b>two</b> minutes of the second period. And it immediately paid dividends! Torrey Mitchell scored a one-timer directly off of Handzus' face-off win with only 1:21 left in the second, giving each person watching the game <i>a chance to win</i> two free Jack-in-the-Box tacos. This, and the fact that I got a free slice of Amici's pizza in a commercial break give-away (Amici's, you may remember, is the reason the Round Table Four-in-the-Net promotion is gone), has temporarily softened my opinion. But, while these turns of events have made me slightly less eager to get my hate on regarding the subject, this promotion still has its problems. Namely, 1) that you are required to send a text message before the end of the game to claim your free taco coupon, which means that anyone without a cell phone at the game cannot claim them; 2) the thing being given away is regularly priced at $1, only slightly more than the cost of sending a text message; 3) there is nothing to keep people watching the game at home from texting "TACO" to 74499 for their own chance to win, possibly depriving someone at the game from getting theirs; and 4) Jack-in-the-Box tacos are fucking nasty. While I'm at it: for all I've heard from people saying how much they like Amici's pizza, it was remarkably average. Sure, the crust was a little thinner, but it was a lot more flour-y on the bottom and didn't taste any better. I was completely underwhelmed. So, even though I ended up getting a slice for free at the game, I would like to take this opportunity to send out a big "FUCK YOU" to Amici's East Coast Pizzeria. You have already deprived me of at least three (3) personal pizzas with toppings of my choice from Round Table, this season, <i>and the Sharks have only played seven of 41 home games!</i> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">FUCK YOU, AMICI'S! FUCK YOU!</span><br />
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I guess it's not that hard to hate on them, after all.<br />
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I did text "TACO" to 74499 and got a response saying I had won two free tacos, but I still don't know how to claim them. Do I just show the text message to the cashier? I'll try it out later and report back. Go, Investigative Journalism!meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-64675020046613359482011-11-03T16:57:00.000-07:002011-11-03T17:03:38.070-07:00The End of a Road TripThe Sharks are now 5-4-1 (W-L-T), after going 4-1-1 on a two-week road trip that featured tough-fought wins over the Bruins, Predators, and Red Wings. All in all, it was a pretty confidence-inspiring trip! Havlat looks good, Joe Thornton is taking control, and Joe Pavelski is scoring like a madman. Brent Burns continues to make conspicuous defensive errors; I continue to have faith in our coaching staff to coach the crappiness out of his game by the end of the season.<br />
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Tonight, the Sharks are at home to take on the Pittsburgh Penguins. Even though he is still not playing in NHL games, Sidney Crosby is travelling and practicing with the team, which means that he will be in the building to witness the Penguins' soul-crushing defeat. I recall fondly the Penguins' last visit to San Jose, in which they were handed a 5-0 loss so devastating that <a href="http://www.usatoday.com/sports/hockey/nhl/2009-11-09-3100292863_x.htm">it gave their team president a heart attack</a>. Obviously, I wished him a full and speedy recovery, but damn that was an epic win!</div>
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It is a disservice to Sharks fans that we don't get to see the Penguins every year, but it does contribute to great statistics like this one: <b>The Penguins have not won a game in San Jose since October 22, 1997.</b></div>
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Only 9 games have been played at the Tank in that time, but that still seems incredible. I only wish I got to brush off that statistic every year.</div>
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Here are the highlights from last season's game between the two clubs, which ended pretty dramatically:</div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">SJ @ Pittsburgh, 23 February, 2011</span></b></div>
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I look forward to these games. Go, Sharks!</div>meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-50816403883869673442011-10-30T11:16:00.000-07:002011-10-30T11:16:25.921-07:00Game RecapI was in Oakland most of the day and night and only shuffled back in through my front door to watch a recording of the Islander's game at 2:30 or so. Needless to say, I was in no condition to sit through a 2.5 hour hockey game. But in the first three minutes I watched, they won face-offs, earned a powerplay, scored on that powerplay, and killed a penalty, so I am going to infer that the Sharks opened a Costco-sized can of whoop-ass on the Islanders and ran away with the game to a 5-0 victory, perfect on special teams. Good job, Boys! Keep it there! Only one more win to make this a perfect* roadtrip! I'm so proud.<br />
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Sharks now 5-3-1. (W-L-T*)<br />
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*Fuck the shoot out.meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-83451659609541372992011-10-28T22:24:00.000-07:002011-10-29T14:30:59.343-07:00Texas Rangers Lose Second Consecutive World SeriesDid anybody catch the game, tonight? It was amazing! Another brilliant display of skill and determination between two ferocious competitors. The level of play has been so elevated in the games between these two clubs that it saddens me to even think that one of them might be moved to the Eastern Conference next year. Yes, the Sharks and the Red Wings have become a must-watch match-up for anyone in love with the sport of ice hockey. They have looked to each other as measuring sticks for the past several years and are coming off of the most closely competed Stanley Cup Playoff series in history. Tonight's game did not disappoint. Sharks won 4-2, including an empty-net goal. I eagerly await the Red Wings' first visit to San Jose this season, November 17.<br />
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Also: Somewhere in the World, baseball was played. And Texas was eliminated in the final round for the second year in a row! I know this because they lost to the Giants last year. It's too bad that they didn't lose at home again so I could watch Sad George Bush's sad reaction shots. I guess there's always next year...<br />
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In real news: The Sharks are on a roll! The first four games of this road trip are done and won. The Sharks came back in the third period to tie the Devils (then win the shootout). They earned a 2-0 lead over the defending-champion Bruins and, when it evaporated in a moment, responded with poise and a game-winning goal. They did a similar feat against the Nashville Predators, regaining the lead only a minute after surrendering it. Now they've defeated the Red Wings in another hard-fought, high-tempo game of the caliber we've come to expect (and demand) from this rivalry. The second back-to-back game is on Long Island tomorrow and it's up to the Sharks to not overlook the Islanders, who have sucked for some years now. The Sharks have a history for playing down to less successful teams even as much as they play up to perennial powerhouses like Detroit. But I don't think they will. I'm sure they've been looking forward to facing Evgeni Nabokov, whether he ends up playing in that game or not.<br />
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A couple things overlooked in all this:<br />
- Martin Havlat is a fucking boss and possibly our lord savior in disguise. This win-streak began with his first game as a Shark and he has assists in all four wins.<br />
- The Sharks have been losing face-offs. I seriously can't remember when the last time was the Sharks were under 50% on face-offs. It's not something worth worrying about, as long as we're winning, but that was a real shock to me.<br />
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The Sharks are now 4-3-1. (W-L-T)meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-51354317936014433802011-10-26T00:54:00.000-07:002011-10-26T16:52:41.642-07:00The Uncanny ValleyHave you ever wanted a robot friend? One that could talk to you and empathize with you and give you hugs and do your work and possibly have sex with you? How 'bout one that just chats with you on the internet about how nice bunnies are? Well, <a href="http://cleverbot.com/">Cleverbot.com</a> is home to just that! The latter, I mean. It's the product of Man's desire to bridge "the uncanny valley," that point at which artificial humanoids become life-like enough to be creepy, before they become indistinguishable from the real thing. Cleverbot is a robot designed to have natural-sounding, human conversations. It mimics humans by generating responses from previous conversations it has had with other people, so it supposedly "learns" from people, like the Terminator. It just fooled 59% of a test group into thinking it was human. (<a href="http://news.yahoo.com/cleverbot-computer-chats-human-183804542.html">Source</a>)<br />
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The tested version runs 42 searches of its databases before it answers. The free, online version makes considerably less of an effort. Here's what people are saying about it, from the Cleverbot website:<br />
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"CleverBot is freaking amazing! I believe it knows the secrets of the universe. I had an entire conversation in Japanese with CleverBot. It is awesome. Not to mention that it is a great role-player and knows all the spells used in Harry Potter. Lol. Best app ever!"<br />
<span class="pgi" style="color: #9bc3f7; font-family: Tahoma, Arial, "Sans serif";">12th July 2011</span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="pl2" style="color: #539eeb; font: 12px Tahoma, Arial, "Sans serif";">"The app is amazing. And she/he (Cleverbot) is more fun to text to than my actual living friends. Haha."<br />
<span class="pgi" style="color: #9bc3f7; font-family: Tahoma, Arial, "Sans serif";">25th June 2011</span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="pl2" style="color: #539eeb; font: 12px Tahoma, Arial, "Sans serif";">"Cleverbot has earned a whole new level of respect from me- mostly because she knows the lyrics to David Bowies songs."<br />
<span class="pgi" style="color: #9bc3f7; font-family: Tahoma, Arial, "Sans serif";">24th June 2011</span></td></tr>
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Naturally, I was intrigued. I had to meet and interview this robot, probe its knowledge-base and find out what makes it tick. Or at least try to chat hockey with it.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>The site itself borrows the look and feel of a Google homepage with a blank search bar and a few buttons beneath. Not the first place I'd expect to have a conversation. Unsure of what to expect and judging from its appearance as a search-engine, I decided to ask it a question, AskJeeves-style. The following is a transcript of our brief, but enlightening, conversation:<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako:</b> What is the price of tea in china?<br /><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> Less than the price of tea in Ireland.</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><br /></b></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>:</b> Nice.<br /><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> Bunnies are nice. Nice and fluffy.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>:</b> That's true. I have a bunny.<br /><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> What is the name of your bunny.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>:</b> Well, she doesn't really respond to anything. I just call her 'Bunny,' but I tell people that her name is Clowe.<br /><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> What presents did you give your family?</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>:</b> My mom just had a birthday. We took a trip to see the Sharks play the Ducks in L.A.!<br /><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> See I'm sorry certain cute boys are always great to see.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>: </b>Which cute boys are you thinking of, exactly?<br /><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> 21 years and some days.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>:</b> That doesn't make sense.<br /><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> Well, I think it does.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>:</b> Okay. fair enough. got a favorite player?<br /><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> In baseball!</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>:</b> No, in hockey.<br /><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> Do you like hockey?</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>:</b> I do.<br /><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> I do not.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>:</b> Well, it doesn't break down into statistics as well as baseball, so I wouldn't expect a computer to make much of it.<br /><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> I've heard the graphics are great. The plot, not so much.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>:</b> Haha!<br /><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> I thought it was okay.</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><br /></b></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>:</b> What do you like about baseball?</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> It's coool and people die in it.<span class="Apple-style-span"><b><br /></b></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>:</b> Are you talking about that fan who fell off the upper deck trying to catch a ball?</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> No, I'm talking about time.<span class="Apple-style-span"><b><br /></b></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>: </b>Oh. well people definitely do die in time...</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> Do they?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>:</b> I guess 'Cleverbot' is kind of a misnomer, isn't it?</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> Of course it isn't my name it is the name of the author.<span class="Apple-style-span"><b><br /></b></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>:</b> The author of what?</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> I asked you what your faourite book was. You replied Boys. I'm askign you who is the author of <span class="Apple-style-span">'Boys'.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><br /></b></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>:</b> I don't know that book. I read 'Boy' by Roald Dahl.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> I love the twilight books.<span class="Apple-style-span"><b><br /></b></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>:</b> Goodbye.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> You can't just end a talk like that.<span class="Apple-style-span"><b><br /></b></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>meetyourmako</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>:</b> I just did.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><b>Cleverbot:</b> Yes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">So there you have it! It knows the secrets of the universe, the David Bowie songbook, and how to kill a conversation about books. Human interaction is now almost completely obsolete! Goodbye, My Friends! <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBQ-S6njQQw">Gotta make way for the homo superior.</a></span><br />
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The Sharks are now 3-3-1. (W-L-T)meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-31909934515957017822011-10-16T16:30:00.000-07:002011-10-28T22:38:15.162-07:00Games 2 & 3: Back-to-BackesLast night's loss to the Blues comes after the 1-0 road loss to the Ducks. It's no big deal. It was the first of three instances of back-to-back games the Sharks have in three weeks.<br />
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I was at the ducks game, at least the second two periods. Greiss looked good in that game, but the Sharks' coordination, especially on the powerplay, looked really bad. There were many passes to no one and even more directly to or through ducks players. Brent Burns, in particular, seemed to be struggling to coordinate with the others. He will get it together, I have faith, but it looks like it may be a much slower process than I had anticipated.<br />
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The Sharks fans in attendance weren't bad; they did the chomp and got a few chants going. I was very disappointed that they did not make any attempt to boo Corey Perry whenever he touched the puck and, for their failure to do so, I blame this loss on them.</div>
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To be clear: I do not bother booing Corey Perry at the Shark Tank. Fuck him. But one of the big selling points of this trip, to me, was the opportunity to boo the Hart Trophy-winner in his own building on opening night and have it be very audible to him and the television audience. That would have been worth a long drive. As it is, I arrived late and couldn't get that to catch on in the second or third periods, so I am at least partly to blame for the attending their failure.<br />
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Ducks fans like to hold the Ducks' Stanley Cup-winning season over our heads, but come off as so bitter that it honestly was kind of sad. Maybe I've just grown a thick skin. Their only energy seemed to come from resentment of the Sharks fans in attendance and the more venomous it got, the more pathetic it came across. I think the Ducks did manage to sell out their home-opener, though, with our help and I did see a lot of ducks fans in jerseys. Until this trip, I wasn't certain they existed.<br />
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The Blues game was far more compelling and showed marked improvement in play over the ducks game. After spotting the Blues a goal, the Sharks took the lead in the second period. Burns got his first goal as a Shark just as I was in the middle of complaining about his weak-ass shots from the point. I'm glad for him. Hopefully that will make him feel better about his discombobulated play the night prior. However, the Sharks gave up their lead in the third period and lost 4-2 after an empty-net goal. I've warned my friends that the Blues are going to be good this year. I have high expectations for them. Not as high as my expectations for the Sharks, obviously, but high. The Sharks should easily be able to beat them, but the Blues caught the Sharks as they're still getting their act together, early in the season. I'm not worried yet.<br />
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Sharks now 1-2-0 (W-L-T).</div>meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-87231113787769108012011-10-12T01:04:00.000-07:002011-10-16T15:36:13.759-07:00Game 1: "We Want Tacos!"I don't want tacos. Fuck Jack-in-the-Box tacos! We've all eaten them, sure, in our weaker moments, at two o'clock in the morning. We're desperate--but that's just it! Jack-in-the-Box tacos are sold two-for-$0.99 and are only charitably called tacos in the first place.<br />
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Meet the new Sharks food promotion: The Jack-in-the-Box Taco Minute!<br />
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If the Sharks score in the second period's final minute, fans in attendance have the opportunity to text in a code for a coupon for two free Jack-in-the-Box tacos.<br />
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I hate this for so many reasons. First of all, as I've written, Jack-in-the-Box tacos are both shitty and dirt-cheap.<br />
Second, the ratio of advertising to payout is completely lopsided. Previously, when the Sharks got three goals at a home game, the crowd would start yelling for pizza. Only when the Sharks scored a fourth goal would they announce the "4 in the Net, Pizza You Get!" promotion and the crowd would shout "Pizza!" in time with the music during the <i>following</i> commercial break. Now, Jack-in-the-Box is going to have their chintzy promotion announced at least once per game during the last TV time-out of the second period, regardless of whether they give away any free tacos.. It's also much less likely to happen than for the Sharks to score four goals. Despite being announced every game, this isn't going to pay out more than a few times per season.<br />
This promotion is almost exactly like the one the Kings have with McDonald's for McFlurry's. The difference is: it's shittier.<br />
One last thing about this promotion and perhaps the worst: in order to claim this prize, you have to text in a promotion code for a coupon. I encourage anyone and everyone at those games to publicize that promotion code widely, even if it only goes to the first 17,000 people who text it in. If people at the game lose out on it, so much the better! Hopefully it will move them to complain about this god-awful replacement for Round Table's awesome promotion. Fuck you, Amici's! And Fuck you, Jack-in-the-Box! I'd rather have no promotion! Your pathetic promotion makes me feel cheap.<br />
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Also, the Sharks beat the Coyotes 6-3, after going up 4-0 and then 6-1. The Marleau,Thornton,Pavelski line looked very good. Other than that, I'm refraining from judgment for the following three reasons: (1) It's the first game of the season. (2) It's an outlier in the schedule and there isn't the opportunity to build any psychic momentum. (3) It was against the Phoenix Coyotes, who lost most of the people I knew on their roster this summer. Kyle Turris is still holding out on them. The speculation I hear is that he wants a trade.<br />
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The three stars of the game aren't giving away signed sticks this year. According to Mark Emmons of the San Jose Mercury News, this is because the glass is much taller on the new boards and the Sharks didn't want parents dropping their kids whist trying to get a stick.<br />
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Sharks now 1-0-0 (W-L-T)meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-59689983686790879432011-09-25T15:15:00.000-07:002011-09-25T15:20:49.091-07:00Offseason ChangesThe Sharks. They've made a whole host of changes this summer. But I refer not solely to the roster additions of Brent Burns, Martin Havlat, Colin White, or Jim Vandermeer, etc. They've jacked up the price of season tickets by a greater margin than before. Since the lockout, the price of as season ticket has been steadily climbing by a dollar each year. The cheapest season ticket last year was $19 per game. This year, it is $23 per game. $4 per game! Snap! The Shark Tank has also gotten a whole new set of boards, replete with clear stanchions and gaudy, electronic advertising boards, with one glaring omission: Round Table Pizza.<br />
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The Sharks have lost their promotion from Round Table, which was always popular with me! "Four in the net, pizza you get!" I know it so well. This promotion has been around since the beginning and now it's gone. The reason is that Round Table has been deprived of its position as the sole pizza vendor within the HP Pavilion. One of the new food vendors moving into the Tank this year is Amici's East Coast Pizzeria, which is a sponsor of the Sharks' radio broadcast.<br />
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This completely sucks. Round Table has done this promotion forever and even stuck through it when it seemed like the Sharks were averaging 5 goals per game. There were whole stretches of 2008 where I was <i>downright sick of pizza</i>. All they did was tweak the promotion so that the personal pizza is free with a purchase, which could be a soda. The Round Table nearest to me would consider an additional topping a purchase, so I could continue to get personal-sized pizza from them for under fifty cents! I'm not planning on buying any Amici's pizza this year. Unless they have a really good pizza margherita! I still kind of resent how expensive pizza is everywhere, so white-tablecloth pizza makes me uneasy.<br />
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But that's not the only promotion missing this year. Bad Boys Bail Bonds will not be advertising in the penalty boxes. And, in what Bad Boys indicates is a retaliation for them dropping their sponsorship, HP Pavilion has instituted a new rule: patrons will no longer be allowed to promote "other entities." Bad Boys has long held four highly-visible, front-row seats directly behind the Sharks' bench, which are invariably occupied by big people wearing Bad Boys Bail Bonds t-shirts. They were distracting, annoying, and an affront to the paying advertisers, so I'm happy to see them go. The broadness of the ban on promotions is sketchy simply because every damn thing anybody wears in this day and age has some advertisement on it, but I don't anticipate any annoyances outside of Bad Boys trying to make this into a first-amendment issue. Fuck them. They should be wearing Sharks jerseys, just like everybody else!meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-90520536078616557842011-09-15T03:30:00.000-07:002011-09-26T13:30:01.840-07:00Troubled Sleep<div style="text-align: center;">
-Chapter One-</div>
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The roar of the crowd was overwhelming. One almost couldn't hear oneself think. Of course, the people there weren't accustomed to thinking. No one in Greater Los Angeles had ever before heard such a noise in the Ducks' home arena. Most of them had never before <i>been</i> to the Ducks' arena before today, only the gravity of a championship event was too much to resist. <i>The Stanley Cup</i> was in the building. And it was about to be awarded.</div>
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Amidst the hysteria, the red carpet unrolled onto the ice like the dog Pluto's cartoon tongue. White-gloved hands carried the heretofore pristine trophy from the gaping vomitorium to where all the cheering customers could see. It was the first and last time, most of them knew, that the Stanley Cup would be awarded to a Los Angeles team.</div>
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Chris Pronger watched without listening as the commissioner gave his perfunctory congratulations to the home team. The six-foot-six defenseman did not let his beady eyes leave the sparkling trophy as the Ducks' captain Scott Niedermeyer hoisted the Cup over his head to applause unprecedented within the marble walls of the Honda Center. The captain kissed the beloved trophy as he slowly skated the ice and Pronger follwed him, impatiently waiting for his own moment of glory. Pronger had spit out his mouth guard in the moment of victory; now his teeth ground as he watched Scott Niedermeyer pass the Cup to his brother, Rob Niedermeyer, but Pronger swallowed his words along with chips of his teeth. Deep down, he knew that he owed the lesser Niedermeyer this moment; hockey's champion defenseman, and the Ducks' captain, had only deigned to sign a contract with this team out of pity for his younger sibling. It seemed like ages that the Cup was in Rob's hands. Pronger had waited long enough! He had waited while they passed out championship baseball caps. He had waited through the tedious presentation of the MVP award. He continued to fight the urge to grab his trophy from the little squirt. He had won it! It was his! He knew his own on-ice contributions far outweighed anyone but Scott's and that he had deserved to be second in line for his moment of supreme self-satisfaction. It wasn't fair!!</div>
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But presently, Pronger's eyes widened with anticipation as he saw the most beautiful trophy in all the world skating toward him, carried by Niedermeyer's brother. He tried not to look down, fearing vertigo. The dizziness of disbelief and his own freakish height were taking their effect on him. His moment had finally come. Elated, he greedily snatched the proffered trophy from Rob's ourstretched hands.</div>
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The Cup burned his flesh as with cold fire and Pronger only gripped it tighter--tried to steady his hands as the thing which he desired most in the world was finally delivered to him. He felt the Cup try to slip from his grasp. The whole moment seamed unreal, like it wasn't supposed to be. Fifteen and a half kilograms of etched silver seemed feather-weight in his hands. With one deep breath and the most powerful scream he could muster, Chris Pronger raised hockey's greatest trophy high over his head and, as he slowly lowered it and felt the cold metal touch his chapped lips, he knew he had proven what he had suspected for a long time:</div>
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There was no God.</div>
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"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"</div>
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Patrick Marleau shot upright in bed, drenched in a cold sweat. It might have been a warm sweat had he not been in Canada, but as he caught his breath he saw that he was back in his room on his parents' farm, just a few miles outside of Aneroid, Saskatchewan. Under a bright moon, the flat plains he had worked and skated throughout his youth stretched out beyond his window to the horizon. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and placed his head in his hands, trying to collect himself, waiting for the anxiety of his nightmare to pass. Quietly, he waited and listened to see if his anguished scream had awoken anybody. His right hand involuntarily reached for Mr. Cuddles and brought him to his chest. Mr. Cuddles' marble eyes were scratched from repeated trips in the washing machine. Patrick's mom would have to wash him again after tonight, so soaked was he with sweat.</div>
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A clock on the wall told Patrick it was 3:30. It wouldn't be long before his parents would wake up to begin the day's chores. He wondered if they had anything special planned for today as he remembered the date: September 15th. It was his birthday! That cheerful realization was shaded with melancholy when he realized he would not see his friends today. He missed them. Summers were always so long here in Saskatchewan.</div>
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Patrick gave up on the thought of crawling back under his sweat-drenched sheets and got up to walk to his desk. He opened it up and brought out a well-worn book, which he opened. It was his diary. A few heavy pieces of paper fell out of it. Patrick turned on his desk lamp and stooped to pick them up. In the harsh light, he saw that they were pictures of him and his friends and teammates from the San Jose Sharks, all smiles and laughter. It only made him sadder. Patty had long ago caught his breath, but his chest was aching. His hand found a pen and he sat down to his desk and opened his diary to the first blank page.</div>
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"<i>Dear Diary,</i>" he began and put the pen to his pursed lips in thought. "<i>How are you? I am fine.</i>" But that wasn't right. He began again. "<i>I had the nightmare again. It seemed so real. like it actually happened. It's like finding out the girl you've had a crush on since freshman year fucked the biggest asshole in school. It makes you wonder if she's the person you thought she was. It makes you wonder if you want her at all, anymore. Tell me, Diary: Why do bad things happen to good trophies? Why does the good guy never win?</i>"</div>
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He waited.</div>
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"<i>You go ahead and think about it. Get back to me--</i> Shit!" he jumped at the sound of a loud crack against the window pane. He looked around. He was alone. Slowly, Patty got up and quietly started for the--</div>
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"Fuck!" he said as a second rock hit the glass, leaving a chip this time. Now he bolted for the window and threw it open, which he immediately regretted as the night air slapped him in the face and chilled his damp t-shirt. Outside, silhouetted against the moonlight, Patrick recognized the large, familiar frames of Joe Thornton and Douglas Murray. Douglas waved hello. "Jumbo" Joe was lining up another shot with his hockey stick and hadn't seemed to notice Patty's arrival.</div>
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"What the hell are you doing?" Patty hissed at him, trying to keep his voice down.</div>
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"Trying to get you to come to the window," replied Joe.</div>
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"I'm on the ground floor, Dumb-ass! Why didn't you just tap on the glass?"</div>
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Joe looked to Douglas for an answer. He didn't seem to have one.</div>
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"Happy birthday, Patty!" Now they were both waving. Patrick felt his heart warm a little. He really was relieved to see them. He bid them with his hand to move closer to the house. As the two approached and stood at the window, Patty looked at their dirty boots and thought nervously of his carpet. He tried to think of a reason not to invite them into his room, but was again relieved when he saw they had no intention of coming in.</div>
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"Let's go!" Joe said, motioning for Patty to climb out the window.</div>
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"But what about my parents?" Patty wondered aloud as he threw on a sweater. "It's my birthday. They probably have something really swell planned for me!"</div>
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There was silence for a moment. Douglas Murray shrugged his massive shoulders.</div>
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"Fuck it," he said. Patty was torn. He gave it some thought.</div>
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"Okay!" said Patty, throwing Mr. Cuddles into his backpack and shrugging it on. He hopped out the window and gladly followed them, but, as they raced across the open field to where a pair of dogsleds waited by a lonely box elder tree, Patty had another question.</div>
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"Where are we going?" he asked.</div>
meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-29577473425419064322011-09-09T17:11:00.000-07:002011-09-09T18:12:26.658-07:00KHL Team Yaroslavl Killed in Plane Crash<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876468625527333600.post-70695992269555002042011-09-03T13:02:00.000-07:002011-09-05T22:30:08.279-07:00George Laraque Describes the Pain of a Goon<a href="http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/hockey/the-new-problem-of-the-nhl/article2152832/page1/">"The new problem of the NHL" - The Globe and Mail</a><br />
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George Laraque made his living fighting other goons in the NHL. It was a tough, anxious position to be in, but he doesn't condemn the role. He does, however, call for improved counseling options for players and retirees.</div>
meetyourmakohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07479929495275731790noreply@blogger.com0